The Day I Met Edward Cullen
by xXemones10x
Summary: You won't be disappointed!
1. Chapter 1

The day tat I met Edward culen

Chapter 1 name I love u k

My name is Ryina Liisha Sexy Paper. Evur since I wuz I girl my parents are touch me and tell me im so pretty. My black hair is so long! And my eyes are so blue and sexy and they make me cry sometimes but thas ouk cuz I cry a lot. I am emo and people thin I a bad cuz of this but serilsy am normal person like me ansd him. My hair is short and red and lots of pretty. My mom is here and she is saying I have to leave to go to forks now to live. Edward culen kiss me goodbye adnd I smil for the first time in my life. Then I lied and went in the car.

Formks here I cam e!

I am in the car and I was watchin g speed raCer. The boy was piss of. He is such poser he des not even like driceing! SRESLY EWHATS WRONG WITH HIM!? HES SICH A POSER. I eat a peanut ad can eat nothing else fer the day because I may became fat. I am wearing fishnets on my fingers and long skirt and it is black and red, I have a tight grey corsemt on. It hurts bt I know I am yawning sexily when my mom looks back at me in the back seat. My eyeliner is so think that I am blind but I can see that it is sexy. "RINYA LESHA!" my mother distorts happily. "WHAT BITCH:

" I SMILE BACK MEANLY. I never liked my mother because whne I was a girl she wou;d hit me because I stole the neighbors bat food.

"I love you" sje says and I smile happy. "I don't love anyone" my mother cries and the csr is about to go off the road! "DENILIA AMANDA DEOUCHT LIBYA" (bellacalls her parents buy name two) I COMMAND HASTILY! EERE GOING TO DIE! "WHAT YOU SMELLY CUNT" my mother calls bac and the car is safe again. I snort a sigh or releif. ""cuse me" how dare she call me! Anger and I want to shit my heart and wrist. With a razer. "sory I have a cold and I am tired" she says . I want to smoke some pot. If I don't get it I will get bipolar syndrom in forks with my stupid dad.

I snort some of the coke off my dads leg and I got o sleep. Maybe it will not be so bad here I think as I twitch in my sleep. Outside it is hot snd snowing. The next day I wake up and there isa boy sleep next to me. Je is okl I gues. "my name is Edward culemn" h e hissand his teeth is big and in my fase. He take me in his handsand licks my nose. "im a vempite" I stare in shock maze "whut? A vampiere?" I laugh in disbeleife. "yes I tell u thixs because I spy on u driving here and u r sexy and I want u" he is hard in his pants and I want him to tell me something.

Edward says he drive me to new scool. So I get in the car and he is listening to akon. I call him a poser and gave him the finger. Ed smile and he put on a new record it is the used and im a fake. Edward headbangs and hes black hair goes in his red eyes. His skin is so pale. He is perfect. Almost as perfext as our matching straight scars. I hadbang too and we have fun not that you pervert.. The car is going too fast Edward tries to take my top off and I get out of the car.

At school Edward carries me by the belly and everyone is my friend except for the popliar kids theyre posers. I spit at them and tell them to suck a fuck like dsrko. ( I like movie so deep and emon like me) this girl bella looks at ed and crie cuz I am his new girlfrien. I give her the finger and me and ed beat her up in the bathsroom. Is stomp on her face with my Hot Toppik boots and ed punch her with hjis iron knuckles acesory.

I walk home in Edwards drive car and he tried to takeoff my top! PERVE! Ew and I tell him no I ane not get rape.x "-.-" Edward does.

'

"^_^ O JUST DONMAW. I DUN WAN GFETRAPED" I tickle mseld so I don't hurt myself. Sorry. Edward came and then I had to sit in it on the way home it was warm and when I got home Charlie let me out and touch my butt. Then we arfm wrestle "Tim I like formlks" I spittle and he gargles. "YAY :D" he says and is so sad. ( I think the face improve my write and give visual_) "Even tho reficuL died?" "he live in my heart dad, I mean tim." K bye I say and go to my room.

I do not cut myself cuz I promise ed I would do together wit him tomorrow.

Three day back I go and me and ed bite each other so we can be free of pan of the world. I forget ed is a vemorite and now I am too. My hair is blonde so I rip it out and it gro in purple. My eyes are red now and my skin is see thorugh. I go to school and everyone say I am so much sexy. I play beasball fr homeroom in high school and then I am in forks library reading about vempires. The rain ccomes and it is so warm and snowy. I cann t wait to get home

"elo" soys I mysterous voice. I gaspand blood comes out…

End of champter one.

You guys like I take a lot of time to write this and I hompre you like. Please let me no where to improvr. K thanks you nur.

Bonus storie

One day at the pet semetrery ( I think I am better at writeng then stupid stevien keng) and they takes dumbledorm and they bury him in it under the rawks and lol they ssay czu they all love Dumblesdore a lot. The n ect day they cu m andf dumbleehore is there n he say hello and then he punch and kik harry in the fasse .


	2. 1976!

Instemp of doing regula storie lie usual I do a recreaton of mah favrite storie:!

1986 by Geff Orwellm!

"... -_- I so bred wif u, Clarice. I wan the lotions.z" MR SMITH SAYS.

"Omg. I KEEPZ TELLIN U BIGBROTHES." she said

her name was...! IT WAS I ferget his g/fs name be fer now she SUY APPLEMO.

(auhmet note: I been gon to scool to improve my speill ng ok so no mo bad revims. I try hard i hav bad aumtisim. an for PPL WHO ASSED; I 19 YRZ OLD OMG. n I AM SATANIS. my bemst frend katy read this; HI KATY. 3333 kawaii cool! tiramasu!" ^_^ we go to hi sool togeher. cheese" als, i dae a gir jessi)

Then...the dor open and it3s THE THOMT POLECE.

!

When hei open them eyz they see tha O'POODLe. And he angrie! He say "I knoa whut u do in theroom and i no ther sex foin on! ILLEGAL! MOTHERFUCKER."

Smith and SUzy take BIG SHOCK. 111111111111111111 ":(" Suy does. "Smith, I don wut to aso anmoe!" Smith sae.

(ANuthm not: I missin fineger so someti i mis key so plz don be rasist.)

BAC 2 REGULAM STORIE THKN FOR PATIENCSE. IT TAKE ME NOTHS TO RITE THES FUR MY FANS.

Todia I got mah leter for Formks Middle chool. and i get te schoo forthe 5th time Edwas is amd because i cut my rist with no him ther.

It is a sad tin but he to get ver it. and thatPRESS JESS (not u jesi babe mah :*) GET IN HUR GRIL AND SAYS TO ME:

"RINYA! U TAKE MMY BOYFRIENAA' Belli says.

WHAY PREP!

Thn I stump her fase lie yestemnday !

she bled on my show like wf!

Hopefuly nex time i take les time i luv my famns!


	3. Chapter 3

champter 3: Olive U

THANMKS 2 U JESSI FER HALP WIT TEH STORIE I GIV U LOT KISSES RITE. JESSI HALP EDIT STORIE FER ME. SO HOPE NOT BERD SPELIMGS/

:D N FER GHATERS; I CUT MY OWN FINERFG. OFF! CUZ OF YOUER REVIEMS!

Endward came to skool the next dey with me and he had RED hair. He had lot eyelines on and he had cut up n dwn his armz. I gamsp.! "Why u dodat you nincumpoop asslick!" I cri. HE SUPOMSED TO WAIT FOR ME! "I sorie, Tina, but I in luv with Bella angan. I apoligize." then i crie biggest in MUH LIFE. "Alos I change my name to Bellatrix Lestrange and my new name is Donnie DARSK!O" Edewaard says to me and I am so upset that i try to suicde with a cow bell! BECAUSEMS I HATE THE NOISCE THATS NOT RIDICULOUS STOP FLAMEINT. hb pot is cok in muh her and then i kne it wuz goobye fer now.

I colected muh friend MARY ELIZABET H CONAN O' BEEFSTICK the thiord. she has yello haur and orange euhys and wear sexy litle dresses . and is the cutests. togethe we wuld... KIILL BELLA UNMTIL NEXT CHAMPTER!

******BONUS***

FER MAH FUNZ:

Donime Darkso gets marrie to KEVIN BACEN!


	4. Chapter 4

Mai compooper wuz downs for da few dai so I head Aroon (mai new vf haii babieszzz) edits mahei new storie nad also to healp write so maybe less bae reviems oka? i tol i had halfs fingers mising and u all rasist.

also, to jessi fucks uyms . u cheet on meah and u dicks is not evne a dick, ou were a girl! I m not lesibans! fuckms yous! FEAGGOT.

p.s; hia katty wwee r makin it bigs nao with my stories! this ones goin to pbe pooblish! yaaa gurlls tiramasua! ti ti titss! yaaaH!H!

))))_were is my gren dai postmer?

as usualms i am fogig to upload a stories sdifeernt froms the reugulars1 hope u enjo. this is stars wars and eragoms written by Aroons and myself! (mai nahme is Jemsica).

Inem a glamzy far, far close aways, Luke SKyshwalker is in wiff his dad, Luke Skhwalker, ALSO LORDSS VOLDMENTORS. Luke Skywaslher was a vempite, and he was veryf mad because

his daed was Lords Veldomisorts. (hanks to Aaronnns for the spelings). Darth Vador married Lukes and thdet were happiy married in the coutnry side on Planet Htrea, wheers they had a kid, Snooki the wookie,. Eat was a gud life, for m them. me. aron.

(btw ^_^ mii storie getin publish bai oprah!)

Anywaysn,

anuthom notes.

Lord Svleokdment, in a rage, kissed the Lkue Skywalsm. then the deth star (og thats is so emons, like me and donie darkso, it relle gets my emtions._

the deth xtar

the dethstar then came (not like that u re so GROSS AND PERVEMTNS!)

and it attack and it explosed and then dhtye died. bu eragon was aloke,.

thanku arons for the storie help there, basjc to the orignial.

Edwarsd Culemn was rede to striek with his fist (btw guies I am 21 naow and I am in colege for English so i poblish my books with oprah in next month)

and he ponch it in the fasse onf bella, and rynia (me) aws too happy 2 c him and :))))) liek that.

It was a bd day, 4 BELLA MAYEB BUT 4 ME IT WAS HUF.

dont even qosetion me.

Out oof the cornert... LORD VELDOMEORT. 


	5. Chapter 5

Champter 5 name is okay i deel wif it.

(Aumfor Note: Aron help me rite the lasts cchampters an his spelings is so bed so ii rite this bai mahself so Oprah pooblish nxt mnth. I brek up wif Aronns last nite after all the bed reviems. I tell I has onlii 2 fingars becuse i chopde off frum bad reviems. I tri mi best so plz be nice 2 me. Am 21 yr olds homan bein. N 2 Jessi, fuck u u stupid bithc i fucking hete ur gutz u stupid lezbian N 2 AL THOSE WHO TLK ABOOT TARA IDK WHO TRA IS, MI NAME IS JEMSSSICA. stop dont quoestion me!)

Afmeter Edward n Rella brake up, I am so happi. Out of the corner is...

LORD VOLDEMINTS! (An don flamesz this becuz i liek hairry poter 2 i c all dah movies so dont.0)

...LORD VOLEE/dEMINTS!

So Lord Voldemints cum up 2 Edward n is all lyk dude ur gf is r8 pretti n i wan 2 giv her kiss n stuff u kno?

So im all luk, noo due plz don let him tuchh me wiff his nasty long nails he ned 2 cut dat shit! lyk gross. (n in the movies he is so ugly n it make me sick 2 think ppl let ugly pppl live its so disguistin)

So Edwerd taek off his shit and he ponch Lord Voldermehns in the fasse, n Lord Voldemints did not leavr! Fer a secund, i am lyk 'ohhhh no edwerd is so week i need a new bf to keep up my imagie he is sooch a posur) i bet his iron knoockle acesory is even fake iron its probly plasticks.! wut a posur.

Et clear Edwinks wuz goin 2 bee beasted by Lord Boldiments, so I star 2 ask fer help (bcuz character is gurl an need help)/

All suden oot of the mest in the halways cums JAKOB BLOOK!

...JACKOB BLOCK!

Su Jackob Block es sexii as hell wif da dark skinsz (an i don even leik dark skinz usualy cuz amst pale and emos wif da dark clotes but he es jus so beautful an sexxi) n big rply muschels unlyke edword who is culemn an doesn ahev big musckles like jacoob. so i go to jachookb n am lyk "Jachobr, plz sav mii furm the Lord Vulvamints." so Jacrun, he spreng itno action ad he kick Lord Luvalints ASS! Eh dednt even need a iron knockle acedsory to get the joob dun. He wuz like adventurios! So streng and protemctive. Edwerd es so embaress dat he leaves and he is cry! SO AHRD ISN HIS LIEF!

I fel baed beczu crigin guiz r so hawt n emos, but i am now in luv wiff jackoob. Jackboob tek mai hendd and he sai "I wan u to come meat mah family, my dad Carleese, my brythers Emert an Jesper, n mii sisters Alise an Rosmare." I m xso happi bcuz edweird nevur taek mi to meet his famili he probli didt evenhaev 1 BECUZE HE IS CREPE PEDOFEELE. (n a pedofeele move nto mai street lst mnth n i was scare 4 mai daughter Alleb Naws)... .Nwaways, edwerid cum out of ta dark curner, n he is lyk "Rynia, i luv u come meat mai fambly, mi ded Billeh Blook." N I laff in his fasse n say NO BCZU dud ur so dumb rite now i cnt even handle it. so stupid. dnt even maked sense.

So me n Jaboob went 2 go c his fambily.!

:D

Bonoos Storeis:

1 Tiem in Big Bagn Thory Sheldoon wuz a crab n he waz mess with Leonardo n he got into fite 4 have claews on dz couch and Leornardis say "Sledon, plz get ur claws ioff of dah shelf, u dnt belong bcuz ur experiment went wrng an u r a carb now n u maek salt weter mess n the coch and the cooch now stink." SOPLZGETOFTHECOOCH. LEORNARD SAY. but sheldern jus luk at hem wit dat fase dat sai "leornardint, gut out mai fasse bcuz i cant handel dis rite nao under lot of presure bcuz expermint made me ento crabs" but Lordnisis did not caer and boil Sheldint in a pot of witir, n frink SHELDON FOR DINAR.

hup u enjoi.


	6. Chapter 6

AMTHA NOT:

Jus so evry1 kno I am NOT stop writing bcuz is my calling in lef an every1 tell me I am so gret and Oprah promis to prublish this mnth lok for mi new book out dis week: THE DAY I MERT EDWEIRD CULMNS. Thnks to Aron fer help on the frst few champters and thnx to mai new bb, my best friend Katy who teech me spellimgs a little make for easy to read and I NOT FOREIGHN. I TELL I LOOSE 2 FINGARS BCUZ I CUT OFF FRM BAD REVIEMS.

ALSO, KATY. IK we daet now evem tho I sy I not lesbiems an all but WHERE MY GREEM DAI POSTMER? IT HANG ON MAI WALL AN ARON DNT lLIEK GREEM DAI SO U TOOK GIV BAK OR I CUT UR SIMPLE PLAM SHIRT U GIVE ME FOR VALEMTIMES DAY OKAYY. ?

-At daa Jackboob Becks Hoose-

Jackeb Bleck take me to his hoose an we were sit on da flor becuz Jackerb is mad poor or some shits like dat so we need to sit on the floor and it make my PP place all col and I am like 'wtf dood yur mad poor dis shits sux"

So Jackboob get all right annoy an he say with this mean ass fase "if u no like u go bak to dat faeg edweird u kno?"

so I keep mouth shut bcuz jackerb is tough and might hit my fasse if I talk bakk. Cnt even get werds in omg.

So out of the black Jakons fambily came and I get to met them all.

First was …... HIS DAD.

!

…...CARLEESE!

Carleese had painted fingarnerls and a white dresso on. He was a mael nurse an he come over and shook my han and it was ver strong AM I SHOCKMAZE SO HANNDS SOME.

Next was...HIS MOM.

!,,

…...he did no have one!

I dissapoint so I o to lseep.

Next come his sisters...Jesper, Alise, and Rosemare! Jesper has big breast and Alise and Rosemare are ugly and not import. Both die.

Then came his four brothers, ESMET, ESMEE, and EDWEIRD CULEMN.

His family spend the fdauy teach me werewolf stuff but I di not kno bout werewolves.

THE NEXT DAY AT SCGOOL:

Edweird saw me kiss Jackboob becuz he is stronger and I maek Edweird so jelous he cried and kill himself except, no. he vempierre.

Edweird cum up to meh an sai " Rynia, if fambily es wut u wan, I tek u to meat mi dab, Billy Blook." but I say NO "edwierd u r not tuff or anyfing, u can not even beet me an that is wut I wan"

"Thass wut u want Runia!" Edweird say and he liff his fiss with tears in his eyes an...

TOBLEE COMTIMUE!

Bonus:

Dr. House.

Ba dum ba dum b a ba um bum bum (theme music)

Hoose walk into the dr office and say to cubby "U NOT ON SHO W RIGHT NYMORES" and she is fire becuz boobs were getin old or somefunk. Then Hoose walk up to Fremint and say "U NOT ON SHOW RIGHT NYMORES" and she is fire becuz Floormint is black n no onee like those shkins. Then Hoose walk up to Chased and say "U NOT ON SHOW RIGHT NYMORE"S and he is fire becuz Chased is australi and austria and US faught un war in WAR WORLD 3. Then Hoose walk up to Asian and say "U NOT ON SHOW RIGHT NYMORES" becuz stupid asian and math and not house. Then Hoose walk up to Tub and say "U NOT ON SHOW RIGHT NEMYSW" and tub is fire becuz his noose is too big an get in way. The Hoose stop n say "How I walk when I has no leg on one side?" N the show end becuz that was the diagnossus."


End file.
